No action!

I went to the doctor last Friday and today and my cervix is still not doing anything! I don't think this baby is ever going to get here! The way it looks I will probably be late. I will let you know.

9 Months

Today is a day I sometimes thought I would never be able to talk about. I am 36 weeks(9months) pregnant! We are so anxious and excited for the birth of our daughter to get here. I cannot wait to meet her and see what she looks like. I am a little nervous about the whole birth though, just scared of the unknown. But so excited to be a mommy!!! Next friday when i go to the doctor he will check me to see if I am dialating or not. That will be good to know! Well I will try to keep you updated from here on out.

Our 3D sonogram on March 2nd

It's A Girl!!!
She is sucking her thumb.

sonogram

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bella Diane Freas

4 months and counting....

We are 4 months today YAY!! Our next doctors appt. is on Feb. 13th which is also my moms birthday and friday the 13th, YIKES. Our 3D ultrasound has been scheduled for March 2nd so hopefully we will be able to find out what we are having that is if this little one cooperates. My mom has also scheduled my shower for May 30th. We are sooo excited! I have been really sick lately it seems like ever since I hit my 3rd month it has been pretty yucky! So hopefully I will have some relief soon. Well just wanted to keep everyone updated. Will update again soon. Lots of love and prayers to everyone.

Stressfull but Exciting

We went to the doctor again today. We were going to hear the heartbeat. The nurse that took me back I don't really care for but I thought it would all be ok. So she did her usual routine you know weighing me (which I am proud to say I haven't gained anything yet!), taking my blood pressure,and so on. Then she said the doctor will be just talking to you today but I am going to listen to the heartbeat. Which is what we have been waiting for. My worst nightmare all along has been that we would go to hear the heartbeat and there wouldn't be one. So she said to me lets see if this baby is going to cooperate, so what felt like an hour but was probably only about 10 min. she tried to find the heartbeat and could not find one. She said sometimes that just happens but I will let the doctor know and see what he wants to do. By this time I am thinking that my worst nightmare is coming true, there is no heartbeat. I could also see the fear in Kevin's eyes. So when she left the room I started to cry, but Kevin kept telling me it would be ok. So she came back and said the doctor wanted to do an ultrasound just in case so they moved me to the next room. I layed there and waited trying to calm myself down. When my doctor came in I said I'm scared and started to cry he said don't be it will be alright. It took him about 2 min. and he found the beautiful sound of the baby's heartbeat. It sounds strong so after all that stress now we can be excited!

Our first Ultrasound

We had our first ultrasound today it was so exciting!!! We got to see the little heartbeat but we didn't hear it yet, next appt. This has got to be the best christmas present ever!!! We are sooo excited! It already has it's little arms and legs. Oh and by the way there is only one baby. Just in case you were wondering! haha We go to the doctor again on the 26th of January.

We're Pregnant!

We went to our first doctors appt. today. All they did was ask a lot of questions about our family history. I have to go to get blood work before my next appt. on the 15th. I was hoping for a little more from the appt. but we will take what we get! Keep the prayers coming. I am 6 weeks along and my due date is July 18, 2009.

Positive!!!!

I took a pregnancy test this morning and it's positive!!!! I go to see the doctor on the 20th and then again on Dec. 15th. So I will keep you posted! Thanks again for all of the prayers he was listening this time! Keep them coming we aren't out of the woods yet.

IUI Today!!!!

We are sooooo excited to announce that we had our first IUI today. We left at 5:30 Saturday morning for Pittsburgh we had an appt. at 8:00 that morning. I had to have blood work to check my LH level and then an ultrasound to see if I had any good follicles. Well I had one really good follicle but my LH level was only a 6. It has to be atleast an 11 or higher. So they scheduled more blood work for 9:00 Sunday morning and a possible IUI for Monday. So we decided we better come home and drive back down in the morning because we couldn't afford to stay for 2 nights. So Sunday morning we went back in and I asked her what if it still isn't high enough and she said she would be shocked if it wasn't because my follicle was so good. Well she was right my level was an 18! So they scheduled Kevin for 8:45 this morning and me for 10:45. So we stayed at a hotel right by the clinic last night so we would be a little more rested for the big day.The procedure was so easy we were done by 11:00! I have been a little crampy all day but nothing bad. I really didn't even feel the procedure. So we will know in 12 days weather or not is was successfull. We are so glad that we are finally getting somewhere, but at the same time so glad to be home. So please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We REALLY need them right now.

I would die for that

This video says it all!!!

TTC terms

For all of you who follow our story and sometimes have no idea what we are talking about here is a little bit of the terms that we use and there meanings.

*TTC=Trying to concieve

*BD=Baby Dance/intercourse

*AF= Aunt Flo/Menstrual Cycle

*CD=cycle day/the day your cycle is on

*DH=Dear Husband (in reference to when your talking about your husband)

*DD/DS=Dear Daughter/Dear Son (same as above)

*O=ovulate/ovulation

*BBT=Basal Body Temperature

*BFN=Big Fat Negative (neg. pregnancy test)

*BFP=Big Fat Positive (positive pregnancy test)

*OPK=Ovulation Predictor Kit

*HPT=home pregnancy test

How to grieve?

How do you grieve the loss of a child you may never have? There is nothing in this world to help dull the pain! Some do it in ways that I could never imagine. I don't know how to deal with the everyday things that people talk about when they are pregnant. There was a girl at the salon today talking about all the perks of being pregnant that people who have never experienced infertility take advantage of. They have know idea what is going on in your life and that when they talk about these simple things it makes you want to rip your beating heart from your chest! But they cannot be at fault for that because they don't know the pain that you feel inside. I appreciate peoples concern and their questions about our TTC journey. We welcome your questions! There is no feeling like that of the grieving for something you may never know month after month, drs. appt. after drs. appt. Is there ever a right way? How do you do it and still live a normal life? When you hit dead end after dead end. If anyone has any suggestions please let us know! Please keep us in your prayers we really need them right now.

CLOMID AGAIN!!!!

So today I started my next round of clomid for the 3rd time. You know what they say 3rd times a charm. I sure hope so! I am so tired of my body being on this roller coaster ride of sickness and hormones. I am so scared that I will grow another cyst again and we will have to wait again! So I will now take the clomid days 3 through 7 and start my ovulation predictor kits on day 11 if I don't get a positive by day 4 I will call my doctors office and schedule an appt. for the following day. Thanks for all of the prayers, they mean soooo much to us. You have no idea how much! I will update as soon as anything happens.

Does my infertility scare you?

I often encounter people who don't know how to talk to us after they find out that we are dealing with infertility. They want to ask how we are doing, if we have made any progress, if we are finally pregnant, but don't know how. For those of you that fall into this tongue-tied category, I'm going to let you in on a little secret...we just love knowing that you care! You aren't always going to know how to word things and we aren't always going to take things the best possible way, but at the end of the day we appreciate you asking.

This brings me to those that are already pregnant and don't know how to talk to us. First off, we appreciate your sensitivity. That being said, the worst thing you can do is complain about your pregnancy, about getting fat, about that foot in your ribs, about your bladder being used as a soccer ball. We do love, however, to hear how much you are enjoying it, how excited you are to find out the gender, how beautiful you think the sound of the heartbeat is. We will be nothing but happy for you, because we will then know that you really appreciate such a wonderful blessing.

If you are pregnant and have a friend or family member who is dealing with infertility, you may be wondering how to go about telling them your good news. The best thing you can do is tell them yourself. Don't let them find out through someone else. Of course, although we will be happy for you, we will of course be a little sad, it DOESN'T mean we are jealous, MOST of us are so very blessed with the lives we have, however you have to understand how badly we want to be pregnant ourselves. Please don't be scared of us or to talk to us...I personally love to know that ppl. are there for me and that yall care...I like talking about my situation because it really helps (thats why I have this blog) :o)

Doctors Appt.

Today Kevin and I traveled to Pittsburgh for another doctors appt. They now want to put me back on clomid to make sure that I ovulate. So when I start my next cycle I have to call the clinic and they will call in the clomid to my pharmacy and I will take it days 3 through 7 this time instead of days 5 through 9 like usual. Then I will start my ovulation kits on day 11 and if I don't get a positive by day 15 I call the clinic and they make an appt. for the next day to be evaluated again and if everything looks good we will do the IUI the next day. So I guess this is a bit of good news. So any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Please, please keep us in you prayers! We love you all and thanks for your support!

What the Hell???

So the clinic that Kevin and I have been going to called this week and says that they got my progesterone level back and it was good. That I had ovulated so maybe they just missed it. WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are making me very mad. But thanks to my wonderful cousin she talked me through it and told me what to say and to ask for when we go to see the doctor on the 22nd. She always makes me feel better. Thanks Heidi I love you!!! So I will keep you posted with what we find out. Keep praying because only god knows the answers.

Another dead end

So Kevin and I have been anxiously waiting to start the IUI process for the last month or so and on Tuesday we got that chance so we thought. Tuesday morning I got up at 6:45 and did my ovulation kit and it came up positive so I called the clinic and they said the latest I could come in at was 10:20 well for those of you that know my husband doesn't get home until 8:30 from his first job. So they had someone call me back because it takes us 2 1/2 hours to get there. So they said if I could be there by 11 they would take me. So we rushed down there and got there at 10:45 so they take me in and do my blood work and then send me down the hall for my ultrasound where they measure my uterus and ovaries and my follicles and check for any abnormalities. So that all took about 45 min. so now we are headed back home and they call me with my results which I am thinking this is too soon something isn't right. Well my instincts were correct! I have no follicles and my lining was thin and my estrogen level is low. So now more blood work to check my progesterone level and I have to meet with the doctor on Sept. 22nd. So now I have no idea what to expect and what to think. I am so depressed and I am the type of person that when something is wrong I fix it ans I can't fix this and It is driving me insane!!! So please keep us in you prayers maybe someday they will work.

On our way!

I had a doctors appt. today to check and see if my cysts were gone or if they had grown and guess what they are gone!!! YAY!! So now we are on our way to our first and hopefully last IUI. I will have to test with the ovulation predictor kits this month and when I get a positive LH SURGE I will have to go to the RHS clinic in Pittsburgh and be evaluated(blood work, sonogram, ect.) Then if everything is good then the next month I will test again and when I get the positive Kevin and I can go and do the actual IUI. So please keep us in your prayers because God has a plan for us and hopefully this is it!

About Infertility

Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases. Most infertility treatments involve using hormones, which alter the user's moods. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom.

A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:

*They will eventually conceive a baby.
*They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
*They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.

Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.


Don't Tell Them to Relax
Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.


Don't Minimize the Problem
Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy. Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.



Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.


Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?" There are many reasons why a couple would choose not to pursue this option.


Don't Play Doctor
Once your infertile friends are under a doctor's care, the doctor will run them through numerous tests to determine why they aren't able to conceive. There a numerous reasons that a couple may not be able to conceive. Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose, and reading an article or book on infertility will not make you an "expert" on the subject. Let your friends work with their doctor to diagnose and treat the problem. Your friends probably already know more about the causes and solutions of infertility than you will ever know. You may feel like you are being helpful by reading up on infertility, and there is nothing wrong with learning more about the subject. The problem comes when you try to "play doctor" with your friends. They already have a doctor with years of experience in diagnosing and treating the problem. They need to work with and trust their doctor to treat the problem. You only complicate the issue when you throw out other ideas that you have read about. The doctor knows more about the causes and solutions; let your friends work with their doctor to solve the problem.


Don't Be Crude
It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" or "I'll carry your baby for you" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.


Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy
This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you. Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes." I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.


Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant
For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting. Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families. Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.


Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition
Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones. Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.


Don't Push Adoption
Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose.



So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load.

Let Them Know That You Care
The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.